The Relevancy of Rob
A hero need not speak; when he is gone...the world will speak for him
S.S.D.D.
Same Shit Different Day
(Story to come after my next work day…i’m dead tired but i wrote it down on a napkin XD soon tumblr)
HAHA!…I’d have totally done that too at some point, hell I used to parade around in kindergarten when I was the “best colorer” XD
At this moment, this is my friend Brenda…and I hope she sticks to her guns. Im not saying it will always be like this but I hope its mostly like this. No one, no matter how strong, will always be perfect but how fast we can rebound says alot.
My point is, You -are- worth a damn -he- was the failure -he- was the junkie. Don’t ever blame yourself or think it your fault he left, its his for being weak. You wanted to be strong, remember that. All the shit you’ve been through all the thoughts you’ve thought of doing everytime you were about to drop the stick and give up..-you- didn’t. How amazing is that? How -miraculous-? -very- people capitulate to our dark sides all to often, I have, you have, but at least we didnt fall to far and at least we came back. We didnt stoop to something that would have kept us down indefinitely like drugs or suicide. We’re gamers, damnit, and we know its not up to us to decide when its game over. GODDAMNIT! >_<
Lol, you see? that was at least two more damns ;P
P.S. For crying out loud, dont let this keep dragging and please dont let this drag into next year. I mean like Forrest Gump always said and what I even tell myself when I wanna give up sometimes “I’ve come this far, why not go the rest of the way?”
Mark Twain (via soupsoup)
damn right it is…its time to sit and find -your- reasons for being on it not everyone elses.
A "Walkabout" (For you, Bren)
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the term, Walkabout, To Walk bout. It can mean many different things but its basically a rite of passage or a spiritual Journey. I like the version that pertains to “Finding yourself”.
Usually well, at least in the way I saw it used, you go on a journey…saying bye to the people you know and or disconnecting from them for some time. The problem is we may not always like what we find. Slowly but surely I think thats been happening to you. You pushed me away, you rarely talk to Juan. This reminds me of the start of that journey.
(break)Maybe as much as you like me as a friend and even if I back you up with confidence and believe in you, I share the same problem Juan does….we met you in HS. Your younger self is the one you’re trying to break free of and no matter what I do I’ll always remind you of that just because of where we met and maybe thats what eventually gets to you sooner or later. Maybe thats why as close as we could get you’d feel weird or disgusted because I knew things about your past you hate or didnt like. You want to BE better and maybe you hold onto juan because he was one of the -few- things, even if you guys had it out for each other at some point, that you actually liked from the younger years. The times me and him talk about you, he’ll always bring up how you were cause this is how you ARE etc etc. I dont like to think that way cause I’ve seen how you can be when you dream of being better it makes you smile and thats no fake smile…I’ve seen those. I truly wish I’d met you Post HS I think we’d be inseperable on a permanent basis then only sometimes like we are. Then again I could be WAY THE FUCK off with this guess but somehow it feels kinda right, at least in some aspects. I know its fail or whatever the fuck when I bring up others, but when I think about it, it makes sense…cause they’re all new people and they didnt know you back when. It makes sense that you do things differently with them and try harder I suppose. For what its worth, Im sorry that…I found out those things, most of what I did find out was from Juan cause back then he was alot more docile, like me, and he would come to me with his sob stories about you and him. That thing from the kid on WoW, once again, he whispered me all offended when I made a simple comment about what you had said in Guild chat or whatever. In any case, considering how angry I was recently, if there was ever a time I would have done anything it was then but I still kept my word and I’ll always keep my word. Dont ever be afraid of me, no matter what I might say in a grip of anger…I wouldnt. Your self confidence, sanity, and overall well being are the most important things to me especially considering how tough you’ve had it and because you’re a great friend. Don’t think I will ever forget how you took the bullet for me when juan got pissed I didnt tell you that you had come over. That meant so much and I’ll pay you back someday, somehow, I promise you that…another reason why I never stop sticking up for you. Anyways, back to the point (End Break)
It feels like what happened with me might have been a start. I dont know if you’ll really have the opportunity to go “Soul searching” with all thats goin on but at least you have a great new friend from what I can tell. I hope you “Find yourself” but like I said, you may not like what you find and when you find it maybe you can get rid of what you finally hate the most. I’ve heard stories of people literally sitting there and talking to a mirror or in a room after something happens getting angry at something like they are sitting there having a conversation with something or maybe themselves. You come to a great realization or maybe you fight off you’re own demon wearing a face. I remember having a dream and goin to a hallway and pushed a guy that was chasing someone and for a moment I saw myself, then he was gone. This is why I said go do what you gotta do and I guess I’ll be waiting but that doesnt mean I dont miss you but at least in that same token it doesnt hurt anymore for me cause I was able to vent and let go of what I was angry at and put down how fucked up that shit was in the first place and now I feel if you talk to me again, FANTASTIC, if not…oh well I guess our friendship wasnt good enough to get passed it but like I said I want my real friend back not one who’s gonna flip at the slightest comment, especially after that rant about why cant we just have crazy talks and not take it serious mumbo jumbo, hehe. I thank you for showing me this place, really, I mean the stuff you read thats great…the stuff you dont, at least I got to vent -somewhere- even if I’d rather share it with another person.
Well, good luck to you. Take care
Revenge
I hope he cried. I hope I hurt him as much as he hurt me. Fuck you, I’m invincible.
what did you do?…if you wanna share at all. If not its cool, though im glad you finally pointed it in the right direction.
